Hi there, the names James, James Porn, License to perv. As you can tell by my name and pic I’m not really a ladies man, 2 tell you the truth I struggle 2 even say hello, they make me nervous, when I get nervous I cry and wet myself. Any way rather then dwell on the fact I can’t even find a lady who I’m comfortable with through my favourite internet site www.match.com, I spend all my time trying 2 imitate my hero Ian “Ginger Slayer“ Scmid. Due 2 my respect and admiration for this masculine mammoth I no longer have time for ladies, their loss!!!!, instead I spend all my time spying on Ian and taking part in cricket, although I’m not yet very good at either, damn that dreamy Ian he’s just 2 on the ball, always catching me having a rather long lingering look when he’s in my room in just a white flannel. I have recently purchased some 5lb dumbbells after a chat with my macho friend Ian, he told me this would add 10% 2 my game and maybe I could finally hit the ball of the wicket. Little does he know, I’m going 2 have arms like him even if it kills me, “Just hold me in those arms for 5 minutes”. Right next week I buy the big 10 pounders. My other friend Tim recently introduced me 2 a new invention called an underlayer, I liked looking at Tim in that so I persuaded Ian 2 take me shopping as he drives better then me, I made him try on a underlayer and may I just say, I heard wedding bells when I saw that top stretched across his moobs. Yet again Ian commented how these tops will enhance my game by 10% at least. He so caring and really looks out for me when it comes 2 cricket, love him. It will come as no surprise I bought one and now am so attached 2 mine that I haven’t removed it in 3 weeks, nothing 2 do with it being 2 tight!!!!!. However people keep saying there is a funny smell when I walk past them, there just jealous. Ian will fall for me in this top, I just know he will, and if he doesn’t I’ll just buy some tights like his and then he’ll have 2 take me running with him. Oh my god imagine that, just 2 men in tights, 1 rather beefy and 1 rather weenie running/ walking side by side, the weenie 1 trips and oops…………Sorry lost my concentration there, Any way you crazy cats thanks for spending the time learning a little bit about me, I’m of 2 polish my photos of Ian.
Bore you later
Ian Schmid
When I'm not playing cricket I go to work and go to the gym, I'm the strongest person at my gym.
My favourite dinner is Fish Fingers & Beans.
I like to smash up family heirlooms when I'm drunk.
I'm a lifelong Liverpool fan. Come on the reds! My fave player ever is Yossi Benayoun.
I have a part time job where I go to partys and impersonate Kent captain Robert key.
Pareet Sodha
Hi. My name is pareet i play criket for Parkfield & headstoon criket club. I'm a captin and i bowl faster than everybody even Ian who is a man utd sipporter so i hate him.
I like toffee crips and watching telly. i argue with every1 at the club bcoz im the bestest and i drive a blue car.
my best friend at the club is fraser. we go rollerskating on tuesdays and we once wnt to a rollerdisco but i wasn let in bcoz i was too old.
my ambishin 4 the new season is to get more wikkits than tim powell who is ians boyfrind and also my worst enemy. i want to fight him but hes 2 scared. lol.
I hve bough some new pads for next season a nd everybody sez i look like a astronaut but there dicks so i don't care.
mY FAVE TELLY PROGRAM is ugly betty. Ian laughs at me when i watch but i dont care bcoz i hate him and he stinks becaz he dosnt wash and is a virgin.
i haz many enemys at the club,they are ian schmid-tim powell-naines shah-ben lloyd-alton alleyne-khalid ahmed & james ezzard. This season im planning to fight all of them to prove im the best.
I have a playstation and a megadrive and once eated 15 packets of crisps in a row.
peace
parret